We're surrounded by all these broken things between us, and have to hope maybe someone will hold our hand and help us out. Because you're right & it's true that things feel broken, I only wish I could make you smile, make you happy.
And if I were feeling particularly selfish, I could pretend that that's the reason I've been messing things up this way; to make people happy. Except we both know it isn't true; but who am I to be talking to you? I want to create this little world for us both; where we both know the truth & I can actually show one person exactly who I am, where I can be completely free & these things won't worry me anymore. Where I know we can fold into each other, and sometimes be the only people who have to exist. I wish that I didn't believe in this quite so much. Except it's too much of a risk & perhaps, too much of a burden to ask people to take. Because no one loves quite like I do.
It was easy to leave myself behind, I didn't even realise I was doing it. Of course, I suppose it wasn't really me; I know it wasn't. Because you didn't know me then, I was separate, something to be seen from a little further away. And from far away it's fine, because these people think I'm happy, and safe. safe, safe, They tell me too; but close up, it's not difficult to repel people.
Because I'm flawed & fallible, and ugly. I can't control any of this. I don't know where I went, maybe I scratched her out, she leaked out of me with bubble-red patterns. I want to bury myself in you, and you might love me, maybe. And I need someone to find where that girl I used to be, where she went. And maybe you might love her.
I wish I could feel something right now. It can all bubble up, and it's pretty and alive, but only for a second. Because being worth something matters right now.
(Come on, come on, put your hands into the fire)
(I don't know what I'm writing)
Feeling:
Listening to:
Pretending: