I'm so tired of this. And I want to go back to the start, erase these months, pretend I didn't fall from [this imaginary] grace. I wish I was special, I wish things still shone, a little. And a few of those lost things come back and haunt me, a little, of late. And make me smile - because you suck and I [can pretend I] am happy. Ha!
I want you to make me feel like I'm still alive. I know, it isn't up to you, but somehow it all is. Because you make me feel safe & I wish it hadn't all shattered and got blown away, somewhat.
I'm so tired of never being able to be straight, because I'm scared you'll leave. I don't know why I do this to myself. It was too easy this time, for you to build me up and tear me back down again, too easy. And now, if I go and cry over you, what is it worth? Nothing at all. I shouldn't expect it if I don't deserve it; but I do. I can't stop not meaning anything. It's all the same as way-back-when, and I can't help feeling let down. I pretend you've let me down, when I'm angry at myself, because that's who lets me down the most. After all, I was the one who destroyed anything you ever loved. It's all lost now. This isn't supposed to hurt, all too much.
These feelings keep changing too quickly. And it's getting worn out and wasted.
(Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs)
(Twilight - Elliot Smith)
(As always; The Scientist - Coldplay)
I'm going away for a week.
Feeling:
Listening to:
Pretending: