I've been walking around amazed at all the colour and the chaos. I love chaos. I don't love confusion. I don't love missing people and I don't like that people aren't there to find, or find me. I like the freedom, although it scares me a little, and it just etches it in harder that I'm being forced to grow up, and that it's a good thing. I like not having to do things that I just don't want to do [maths] [or science] [or sociology..whee!]. The security has been pulled out from under our feet, but I don't know if we've realised we're on the floor yet. I love being able to see my beautiful Jen. I love being able to randomly assemble with [most of] my beautiful losers, but it just makes it sharper and harsher that there are pieces of us missing. I don't think I should lament that we're losing it, because we are and we know it. It's just an evolution that's all. Maybe I thought I'd found it, something I'd been waiting for and now its all disintergrating as we watch, I don't know. I'm detatched from everything; why? Because I'm floating around on freedom or colour or dizziness, I don't know. I'm grabbing at things, but I think it's in vain and I'm losing my grip, like I can't see, I'm temporarily blind but I don't really know why. Maybe I wore my contacts too many nights in a row, I don't know. It's like cutting parts of us out.

Do you think that we were ever a whole, and that now we are cut up, we are wandering around with big gaping holes in us because there is part of us missing? No, probably not, although I guess I'd like to think so.

I think I'm still wandering around looking for the rest of me and the other puzzle I fit.

Feeling:
Listening to:
Pretending:

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