Everybody's gotta learn sometime. My hands are purple-grey and looking dead, and I'm wearing eyeliner for the first time in four days and it's already running, and it occured to me; perhaps I already started and I didn't even realise it. I'm getting fatter, but things have to change anyway. I wish I didn't wear so much make up, and that I could stop eating or make myself sick, or any of those other appealing things which means I don't feel so bad for being so selfish, but I can't work out if it's more selfish. So I am sitting - I tidied my room - on floorboards, trousers a little tighter and a little more lonely than before. Hoping that it won't always be this ugly. Keep smiling. Everybody's gotta learn sometime. Maybe painful, I'll learn.

Feeling:
Listening to:
Pretending:

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