I haven't written here for so long. I don't know why, I don't particularly know what's happened. Tonight finished quite early & I was the last one left awake, jonn fell asleep in the corridor with his new object of affection charlie, and christina gave up and went to bed, so I suppose I had to do the same. We drunk some rum and amaretto after jo'fo's birthday extravaganza in ye magnificent STAINES! and i left for a bit after wandering up the hill, slicing my arms up, oh just the tiniest bit, like I haven't for so long because it was so deliciously bloody and i couldn't breathe and I didn't want to if i had to be near jonn, because right now he makes me want to break things or shatter things. i don't supposed i'd be writing this if i weren't drunk or angry. i'm not angry through pure jealously or anything like that, it's so twisted turned, so difficult to explain, i hate him so much for what he's done. the bleeding was so beautiful and it was perfection like this. but no one knows me very well, only jonn, and if he can take advantage then really you can't trust anyone, except my jo, i do love her a lot but she doesn't really know about all this. where do you start though? there isn't a beginning. anna is awake!
how strange we are both up now. no one else seems to be, so sad. i feel, shaking to my bones alone, but i love my nana, i miss everyone so much, but there are some beautiful people here, i just, no not too close. it's odd. the wind rattles so much and it shakes the window panes and i want so much to step on them, or something. to stop all this. i don't care, it's too wrong, to do this. how does it stop?
i'm going to stop mainly because i have forgotten what i was saying and because the wind is howling and i want to go for a walk and maybe give that door a kick.

Feeling:
Listening to:
Pretending:

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