Too much poison swimming around in my blood & I can't concentrate. Be bled, let it out, and I will fail this exam, although it doesn't seem to matter very much. Tomorrow is spent and wasted in preparation. Oh, I wish things hadn't turned out this way. Still bound together, invisible thread? Hands tied, heads tied, pulled apart at the seams? I am too ungainly, too big here, not delicate enough but too fragile. And things are spinning off themselves, I don't know. I have no idea whether this was the right decision. Ultimately you are right - but I have no idea whom to reference, there is nothing solid, reliable, unbiased. To be happy? Or not to get hurt? Or stop other people getting hurt? I don't know, I'm lost inside these reasons and I wish I knew what I should be doing, what would be right to do. I don't want to waste this time, but it seems impossible to recover it. Or is it? Is it spectacular? Heart leapingly spectacular? Because we didn't recapture anything, or find anything we had before. did we? I'm not sure. All I can see now is this gap, and wallpaper edges flap in the wind, but you can't see around it. Pull me out, I never wanted to be the only one left inside this.

Feeling: useless
Listening to: amelie, over and again. because i thought it might help me concentrate. I was wrong! See? SEE! I am writing this instead
Pretending: [NOT PRETENDING] I know I shall fail, but I'll just retake it I guess.

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