bad actors with bad habits, some sad singers they just play tragic and the phone's ringing, lets just keep touching, let's just keep, keep singing, i need some meaning i can memorise, but you but you
such pretty words but life's no storybook, love's an excuse to get hurt. and to hurt. "do you like to hurt?" " i do, i do" "then hurt me"
(you made me feel like the one)
love is all
all my soul it's driving me crazy/
yesterday i broke your heart in two, today i want to waste my life with you, but it's over, i don't wanna touch anybody else, but kissing you's a drug bad for my health, but it's over and it's killing me, gently, silently, i'm dying inside, gently, sliently, i'm dying inside
thinking about thinking of you
it makes me cry
and sick to the stomach, because i know that i just don't mean anything to you now and you don't want me. i don't know where we are going now.
what is there left now?
i've never done that, i've never told anyone face-to-face how i actually felt.
i was so scared, but for a few seconds, everything was going to be so perfect. and i wish that i'd kissed you 'cause maybe you wouldn't have dropped me so quickly. i know, it's come to that. and to the point where it would be absolutely anything, or everything. why was i so easy to get rid of? 'you still have the most beautiful face, it just makes me sad most of the time. '
you okay?
no, i feel like i'm dead
when i'm alone, when you aren't here
'til i forget that i exist and that i have to function in the real world again. and all the plans in my head don't work for a second. because there are so many beautiful ideas, where we are all good and happy and just being bizarre. that is something almost (because, darling, of course it is you above everything) completely distracting me; the freedom to be as absolutely crazy as i want. obviously not possible at all. and that we love each other and kiss away any tears, because in our world absolutely no one has to exist and your tears are mine & it's all okay, and we can do these crazy beautiful things. But i'm already being dragged into the real world, with a job and revision and needing to pass exams and do things. but what is it, if i don't, if everyone else is? I want to, for some parts, I want that structure, to feel like a grown up, to be working and to have somewhere else to exist, where i matter, perhaps. but all this, it's so fucking mundane and i'm so completely scared it will suck me up, and dry out any hope i ever had. I want to inspire, but i am miserable, i am dull, and i am not beautiful. Or perhaps, just say to me 'I hate you' and then you will be happy, when i am gone? I don't know. I don't know and it doesn't feel real at all. And am I looking forwards? I don't know. I am looking at right now, and tomorrow, and wednesday is just about as far as I can see. And I am impatient, and I can't do this long term. Like I want to be alive, right now. And everything means so much, that life it isn't worth it, not only mediocre. That I want to live right now, in everything. And that everything is beautiful, it's just so, so hard to see; when you aren't here. And I know it is.
I can't breathe though,
so, dance with me again.
Feeling:
Listening to:
Pretending: