I am drunk, but it's okay, because it's still Saturday, and I had more fun than I thought I would have & people are nice, but hard to keep up with. I'm sorry & selfish but there is nothing else for it, when you can't see your way out of something really quite black. I'm glad I had so much rum tonight, and got so drunk, and with people I barely know, because I don't know them & everything isn't so painfully bleak. I love you, I do, but there is nothing for it, and no one around when there desparately needs to be. A lot of rum! Ha! And pretty little Matt, so drunk and falling about, Oh look! My parents are back and we already started arguing. Stop it! Stop shouting at me, I'm dizzy and this is ridiculous. It's not like you actually know anything about what is going on here, or in my mind or something. Urhg, wow, I'm clich�. I DO tidy up. It's not the last thing in the world. STOPPIT. STOP SHOUTING AT ME. I don't want to have to see anyone again, because people are difficult and I don't like it. I'm drunk. I don't think they noticed yet. It might be nicer if there wasn't anything, or a trip or something. Or I didn't have to, or there wasn't and I could get out of here, IF ONLY everything weren't hate/love or love/hate. AND people TOO FUCKING COMPLICATED> I want to leave, but if I do everything collapses and nothing exists anymore and this is all I have and all there is and even these people I love hate me. If I don't see you, it won't be so hard. What's wrong with me? Oh it's SO MUCH MORE FUN< AND I CUT MYSELFT< AND I DIDN'T EVEN REALISE IT! AND OH! YOU< HATE ME, bUT I T doesn't make sense, because you're my best friedns! MY BEST FRIENDS! Spell, spell. atoday, me and tommy, being the only ones of us, along with jon & his firends, went to see MRO. HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE. OR. WOLF'S MAGICAL CASTLE. It was so good! Involving Lauren Bacall, A grandma and a wizard and a big house! and turnip head! and a really fat woman! with many chins! and a dog! and it was so exhausting, having all those exclamation marks everywhere. But it's okay, because I beat matt at air hockey. Trhey're all very nice but i don't quite feel an immense urgeto throw off all my beautiful wonderful friends and join them, because they are fun! when soeme of them drink, but they also like star wards, TOO MUCH! and SITTING! nd fobg oh dear. but they are nice, I miss everyone a lot, but i feel such an urge to cry when am not drunk. and everyone hates me for it, which is uqite understandable. RAWRRR. Ouch, but there is a lot! A lot of reaosns. Predominantly, because being with you makes me want to eat my won face. Also, strangel myself, because i am not good enough and also because I hate this and myseld and living like this.

Feeling:
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