this grief is slowly sucking up everything, and it is not even manifest yet. everything is exhausting and real people in realities carry on, i can't even seem to do that at the moment. forgive me, just for now, and let me sink. my mind cannot stop buzzing and screaming long enough to cry or really feel this absence or this loss.
i don't understand this suburban sorrow, sadness. all these names are nothing. it is deeper and more unreal than i thought it would be & yet i cannot still really feel it, or feel. i am plunging desperately deeper, grasping for things to hold onto, but i need to feel it, now i do, otherwise i alienate myself, and i do not remember you, or mourn. i miss you. i am so scared i will forget your voice.

Feeling:
Listening to:
Pretending:

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