If only because I have no idea what was going on really & everything fit together so well. Even with that added vexation, there was nothing to stop my living in my head - which is exactly how I want it.
Even those things, those things that I've been blocking out, that have clouded over now - they're still there - but they're meaning less & less now. Even those things that hurt, really hurt. It's as if I'm floating above it all, maybe as if I'm numb; or dead.
That's what I liked about today. Nothing seemed real; even that, the part of the day I came to rely on, it just...didn't happen; or if it did, it wasn't important.
It wasn't important. I wasn't waiting for it, looking for it; looking too hard.
I used to be able to tell when it was about to happen, I'd say anything that came into my head, and turn away. But you can still feel eyes looking at you. Not always. It's nicer when you don't realise.
I like the word cleavage.
Feeling:
Listening to:
Pretending: