Sunday, Jan. 02, 2005 : sich literarisch/kuenstlerisch betaetigen
I am sitting, with Baileys in one hand, and staring blankly at all of this german translation that, with my history essay too, is never going to be done.
Oh, well look at me being all concerned.

I can't wait for real life to start up again, but still half the time I hate it. Feel almost dead with this lack of feeling, and anything is better than that. I can't figure out what it is I'm waiting for, although something. I can't do this by myself, but I'm willing to run away from it. Grow up, I know. Stinging strap marks and maybe or maybe they don't disappear. It's me running away because I don't want to know what I am now, or find out that you've realised, but I hate you for it, sometimes. And you seem like such a little boy, so small, because you're so selfish now. But so am I, I know that, I can't stand things being this way, but it's fine for you.

I'm happy, happy because you, up there, who can look down on me so easily [being as amazing as you are], because you chose to. And I'm beaming all over the place. Admittedly a little scared, scared I'll let you down and that maybe I'm not good enough to make you happy. Like I want to, 'cause you mean that to me, like you do me. Scared to try in case I fail, and I know that's stupid. I want to. I'm going to, and I'm to make myself do a whole bunch of things that I've been too scared to do, I can't do it by myself, but I know you're there. And you have absolutely no idea how much that means.

Loves, loves, loves!

Feeling:
Listening to:
Pretending: