I think I have lost part of my life, like the last couple of days are missing and it's really bothering me, because I can't quite remember where real life is. Happy/sad it all seems artificial. The last couple of days are were sepia, then black and white, then just the faintest black outline on the creamy thick carboardy paper. Scratching around movements and stop start animation. I haven't thought, only; Der Grundgedanke sind die folgende: Alle Menschen sind vor dem Gesetz gleich ohne Ruecksicht auf Herrkunft, Geschlecht, Alter, Religion oder Weltanshauung. Er ruht auf den Idealen der Menschenrechte nach der Franzoesischen Revolution und der Amerkanischen Deklaration der Selbstaendigkeit, obwohl es stark modifiziert und modernisiert worden ist. I felt last night like I was holding all the technicolour life back, that after the little insignificant exam everything would rush back, swirling lurid technicolour and make everything better. I find now, that perhaps the sea got bored waiting, this is just a white space waiting to drip with colour again. It might trickle in but I am missing something, I missing something that makes reality reality. Not some glassy paper drawing, but lurid heaving breathing saturated colour. I tried so hard not to forget, but that is it, it is so hard. When you aren't around, I can remember why I should be sad and how much I want things the way it was, but I can't feel it. I collect in my hands your little assorted things I collected and screw up my face and think. I can't feel through thinking to feel. But when you are there it's a shock because it hurts so much, like it didn't before, and I don't know what to do, but I want you to talk to me, so it'll be okay. Everything contracts inwards and it hurts it hurts, it really does. Like sadness is smearing the little watercolour personality I have, and it makes everything run it is so sad. But the extremes, they seem so hard to reach, but that is it, it is emptiness between them and only this painted front to stand in place. A little cardboard me.

Feeling:
Listening to:
Pretending:

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