I don't know what to feel anymore. As if I should know. I don't seem to feel anything, if I do, I can't tell what it is. It all seems so far away.
I said this once...
'I want to be her; I want to be the most amazing person you know'
But considering things. Considering everything that's happened, I don't think it'll ever ring true. I don't think that it ever will. I don't, I don't want to believe that everything that happened wasn't...well that it meant nothing. I'm past wanting it back. I'm past anything like that. I just don't want to think that I was the only one who felt something. I'd just like to know that, it wasn't well...pointless I suppose. Hmm, maybe not pointless, but that I wasn't just a...um I don't know how to put it....well. It's just, the things, that I found out. That the way, even though it was over, it all sort of collapsed. I think I'm afraid of it, finding out that it was just a - and in fear of using the same word over and over again, until it has no use or meaning at all - 'distraction' (gah, even I hate saying it now). You know temporary, second best, that's it second best.
You couldn't have what you wanted, so, while you were waiting...
Hmm, that sounds a bit sinister.
But, something un-sinister and to that effect.
Feeling:
Listening to:
Pretending: