Its like grasping a few moments that mean so much to me, but nothing to them. Nothing at all. I'm fully aware of it, but it doesn't make any difference.
And those few moments can keep me so happy; keep me floating above what I know I would be without them. It's as if I'm desperate. Desperately trying to grab hold of these fleeting bits of happiness, not caring who I hurt in the process. No, that's not entirely true.
Some people are absolved from it entirely. They, however are few and far between. They are people that I love. Really love. Family doesn't count. Oh, I love them too, but these people are people I choose to, well almost all.
I can't always seem to talk to them, but they're the kind of people you don't have to tell that you really care about them. You know?
Other people; well they're my friends. But I'm such a bitch towards them, I don't deserve them. That's all I'm going to say.
Other people; I depend on until I hate myself for it. Other people hate me for it too. I can't help it though, I really can't. I don't know what it is anymore, I don't what still makes me think theres any point. Any point in....? In liking this person as much as I do. Liking maybe isn't right. Love definitely isn't though. Despite what I am told by other people.
Tonight was good. Tonight I talked to lots of people. Lots of people I hardly ever speak to. I got to speak to Doane alot & that was great, I haven't spoken to him for ages. He's one of those people . Although he can be silly...he's great. I talked to Eva too, we munted around together alot, and talked to random people, and spread ourselves over the walls.....
Stupid Loki stupid talked to me too. I hate this. It makes me really angry, but really happy at the same time.
And then, when its made clear that I am not needed/wanted anymore, it makes me more unhappy than ever.
Even though I knew it was coming all along.
Feeling:
Listening to:
Pretending: