I am Kylie May Bannister. I have blue eyes and brown hair, which I wish was still blonde and curly. I look lopsided because I have a small top and a not-so-small bottom. I have trouble with food - I like eating but I hate eating. I am petrified of getting any fatter. I don't like my skin, it annoys me because it does not behave despite everything I do. I try to do everything as perfectly as I can (unless it is maths). A lot of the time I end up not doing it at all because I can't do it exactly the way I want. I like mothering people, especially Sinead and Tom. I like going to supermarkets. I am afraid of people I don't know because I believe they are 'above' me. I hero-worship people too much, and it affects my relationships with them. I swing between believing I don't have the right to exist and believing I know better than most people. Some people I will always adore, because they are so high 'above' me and I'd do anything for them. I am happy I don't have a chest because I think it makes me look thinner. It really hurts that I was so easily discarded by Jon. I need people to prop me up & tell me I'm worth something, because although sometimes I inherently believe that maybe I know more than other people, or can draw or sing or play piano a bit, I realise that that isn't what's important, and that when it comes to being a real person I have nothing. And he was a different kind of prop that was hard to shake off. I don't mind now, because he hurts too many people, even I can see that and is the type of person I'd probably kill off were I writing him for a film. And not so people felt sorry for him. I have an obsession with thinking about what happened with him, and writing about it in here - so you get bored - because I think maybe it temporarily proved to me that I was worth something. And I can't seem to get over the loss of that. I tend to feel in extremes but even I am prone to apathy sometimes. I enjoy feeling things intensely. I like skiing because it means I can go fast, I see beautiful things and it makes me feel like I weigh nothing. I like writing. I wish I could write beautiful things and become a good writer. Write things that mean something. I like drawing too. I'm very possesive. I hate people copying the things I do, although I seem to have no qualms copying people when they happen to find things that I like. When people start doing something I do, a while after I have, and usually better than me (not difficult) I feel like they are taking it away from me but that I have no right to complain because it obviously so much better now. Unless they are the aforementioned people that I worship, who only number two or three, that can do anything at all and I will love them even more for it. I feel bad that I don't seem to love all my friends like that. I want to, but I find it easy to pick out faults in people. I don't know what it is in some people which makes me oblivious to, or just accept their faults, regardless. Although I never hate my friends, I always love them but sometimes they annoy me, often irrationally and for not apparent reason. I can treat people very badly when I am annoyed by them, and sometimes it is the better I know them, they more of them I know, and it is usually hypocritical because I have these faults too. I want to be interesting. One of my most potent fears is that people will find out how boring I am. I love girly nights out, with just two or three of us, where we can talk about anything & everything. I love talking. I want things to be exciting, to be different and I am usually quite good at accepting change. I can be very shy though, and produce a persona to take over from me; and I think it gives off the wrong idea sometimes. I get jealous easily, which I hate, because I think its one of the worst things you can be. I am also quite suceptible to obsession, and am very very easily influenced by things that I am currently obsessed with, and let them affect far too many parts of my life. I spend far too much of my time dreaming and imagining alternate versions of reality, instead of making the most of real ones. I like to go to sleep in classes too. In my mind I split people up into groups, and frequently swap people around into different filing cabinets. I tend to get very invloved with people for short amounts of time, and they will consume everything for that time. I personalize the actions of these people too, believing everything they do to be a reflection on me, which is a good indication of how self-centred I can be. I like talking about myself.

(Thankyou Jayde!)

For inspiring that ^

Feeling:
Listening to:
Pretending:

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